I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
