just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
