Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
