I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
