I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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