Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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