if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
