He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
