I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
