i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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