just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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