Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
