Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
