i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize