i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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