my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
