It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
