You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
