Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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