he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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