i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
