I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
