After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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