You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
