K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
