he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
