I am in a vortex of obligation.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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