Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I forget how to act sober
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
