Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm passing your future prison.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
