Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
