he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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