All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
