I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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