well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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