somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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