i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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