I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
