my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
third nipple confirmed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
