new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
