He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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