I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
