my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
