I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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