I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
