Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
