Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
