After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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