What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
