Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize