You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
