Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
