you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
