Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
