There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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