remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
