ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
