R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
