so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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