Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize