we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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