but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
