at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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