He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
