brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize