the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
